Resistance
It is so hard. Trying to do something we don’t want to do. Or is it that our brain has tricked us into thinking we don’t want to do it? What if the outcome only does good things?
I started reading The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest (buy here*). One of the first things she brings up is resistance. And it got me thinking. A lot.
We resist what we are not used to, the unfamiliar. Humans are creatures of habit and we feel comfortable when we know what the outcome will be. Safety. But what if the thing we are resisting because we are scared is the exact thing that we didn’t know we needed.
An experience i had recently was kicking the habit of watching TV in bed. I got so used to it, it just became a bad habit. And I definitely noticed a change in my sleep patterns. I didn’t wake up nearly as rested and my mind felt like it never switched off. Enter — the importance of an evening routine. Morning routines get a lot of air time, evening routines not so much. But this year I have made a much bigger effort to form an evening routine I look forward to. That’s the key, is being able to form habits that you look forward to. How else will they stick? They won’t.
So I have been doing some research and here’s what I’ve found:
Resistance is defined as an individuals behavior in response to perceived or actual threat in an attempt to maintain baseline status. It may be preceded by and amplified through mistrust, fear, and communication barriers, ultimately influencing the implementation, quality, and sustainability of the change. Historically resistance has been viewed with negative conations due to its potential impact on organizational success or what we associate with as succeeding or winning. However, resistance is a normal response to a threat to our baseline status. Resistance is a perfectly normal response when facing a situation or emotions that seem unfamiliar. It is the idea that loosing control is going to result in you being worse off, even if the actual outcome would improve your situation or predicament.
An emotion I struggle to be able to feel is confidence. Can I do this? Am I good enough? Am I enough? Am I deserving? It’s like I get stuck in this cycle and all it takes is something to slightly knock me off my game and I can end up here. But since I’ve started meditating (for just 10 minutes every morning nothing too crazy) I have noticed that I am able to more easily pull myself out of this downward spiral. Because the only thing we have complete autonomy over is ourselves. Life is one big mind game. And it is up to you to change your mindset, to change your outcome.
Some researchers think that holding onto tried ways of doing things as a comfort mechanism is holding us back, which intuitively makes sense. So why do we do it time and time again? Because it is what has been tried and we can expect the same outcome. And if someone else suggests an alternative solution, we resist because we are rooted in our ways. Perhaps out of habit, perhaps out of stubbornness but the point is that we are stuck if we are not willing to experiment and try something new.
Another thing I have been really working through accepting that spending time alone is just as important as spending time with friends and family. I used to have this overwhelming sense of guilt when I would cancel plans or choose to stay in, curled up on the couch. What does that make me? A loser? Um, no. Not quite. The one person who will always have our backs is ourselves. So why not nurture that relationship as much as we do any other? For me, it’s because I feel obligated sometimes to sacrifice my time for other people. And while there is a healthy way to do that, by emptying my cup to give to someone else, does not help anyone in the end. There is nothing I love more than going on a long walk listening to a podcast or bringing a book to the park on a sunny day and laying on a blanket. I make a good effort to do these things in warmer weather but in colder months when I don’t have the comfort of sitting outside with the sun beating down on me I find spending time alone feels a lot more isolating. But it’s just as important. Winter is a time for reflection and digging deep. Because come spring and summer we are just bursting with energy and ready to be the social butterflies that lie within us all.
One last thing to consider — resistance feels hard because sometimes, maybe more often than not, the potential outcome could be painful. But no one ever said life was easy. Resistance isn’t something to be feared but rather let it beg the question — what is it I fear? A lot of lifes big questions have been dropped here. I love questions! They open up so many doors and portals into our individual takes on life. We all have a story and come from many different backgrounds. There are so many things we have been conditioned to believe and today I tackled the start on the topic of resistance.
In the intro to the Goop podcast someone says something along the lines of “When people realize that superman isn’t coming, no one is coming to help us, we turn to ourselves“. And that has really stuck with me. We are our own biggest advocates and our own superheros. And it’s time we appreciate the people we are and stop resisting when that inner voice is telling us that something doesn’t feel right.
Hope this has given you something to think or write about. Write to me!
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Resources:
DuBose, B. M., & Mayo, A. M. (2020). Resistance to change: A concept analysis. Nursing forum, 55(4), 631–636. https://doi.org/10.1111/nuf.12479
Kanter, R. (2018, September 26). Ten reasons people resist change. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved February 3, 2023, from https://hbr.org/2012/09/ten-reasons-people-resist-chang